If you intend to get married in the not-so-distant future or are engaged to be married in a matter of months, there are a number of things that must be discussed as a couple before your wedding day rolls around. It can, however, be tempting to get caught up in the excitement of your engagement and fail to find out everything you need to know about your future spouse, but this is only likely to lead to disappointment or confusion down the line as you uncover a revelation that may potentially lead to you questioning your marriage. If you are currently in this position, continue reading to find out what you must talk about before you get say those famous words.
1. Your individual values and morals
It may be easier said than done but you must, at the very least, discuss your individual values and morals as a couple before marriage. This includes your religious beliefs, political standpoint, and family dynamics, traditions, and rituals, just to name a few.
This is especially important considering the fact that a marriage is a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together regardless of what your individual values and morals may be. It may not always lead to a mutual agreement but if you can respect one another’s life-long beliefs and make an effort to prevent conflict ahead of key holidays or election dates, for example, it is unlikely to ever become a problem during married life.
If you are struggling to accept contrasting opinions, on the other hand, it may benefit you to find out sooner rather than later.
2. Your stance on money
If you have lived with your partner for a number of years before tying the knot, you may have already discussed your stance on money.
If you have yet to find out everything there is to know about your partner’s financial history, on the other hand, there is no time like the present to have the dreaded money and marriage talk. It may seem awkward and uncomfortable if you are approaching the subject for the first time, but it can prevent difficult conversations down the line as you navigate your combined finances as a married couple.
If you are struggling to know where to begin, however, Tally’s guide to money and marriage can provide you with all of the information you need to proceed in a calm and structured manner and reach a suitable conclusion that is unlikely to affect your future together. It may not necessarily top your list of priorities as a young couple, but it can prevent a number of sticky situations from arising down the line.
3. Your closest friends and family members
If you met your future spouse in an external setting or outside of your usual circle of friends, it may benefit both parties for you to discuss your closest friends and family members and how much they mean to you.
In addition, it is probably also worth introducing your loved ones to your future husband or wife in the months leading up to your big day to ensure that you both agree on the guest list ahead of time. It can allow you to gain insight into your partner’s life before they met you and even uncover some funny, or embarrassing, stories that you may otherwise have remained unaware of.
If you have since moved away from your nearest and dearest, however, it may benefit you to organize a weekend where both parties can mingle and get to know one another in an informal setting or establish a virtual meeting or quiz so they can put a face to the name and have fun at the same time.
If you value your closest friends and family members and envision a future where you are involved in one another’s lives on a regular basis, this step is a must.
4. Your opinion on starting a family
If you have dreamed about starting a family since you were young, this information should be relayed to your partner at the earliest convenience. It can allow you to plan ahead and establish short-term and long-term goals for expanding your family or make a difficult decision to re-evaluate your priorities for your future.
It may sound like an unnecessary conversation to have as a young couple, but it can save you a considerable amount of time, and stress, if the answer you receive is ultimately not what you were expecting. It is one of the greatest personal, and financial, decisions you will ever make and, therefore, has the potential to transform the relationship you have with your future spouse.
It can be tempting to consider discussing your opinion on starting a family at a later date or proceeding with the knowledge that you can successfully change your partner’s mind down the line, but this is only likely to end in disaster.
5. Your idea of a perfect wedding
If you have recently gotten engaged, it may be worth taking the time to talk about your idea of a perfect wedding. It is, after all, a ceremony that will be shared by both parties in equal weighting and, therefore, must cater to each partner’s individual hobbies, interests, tastes, and beliefs.
If you have your sights set on a casual affair but your partner is planning an extravagant bash, you must meet in the middle and decide on a suitable compromise. If you have discussed your wedding in the past and have agreed to take one another’s thoughts and ideas into consideration, this is unlikely to become a problem as the wedding planning process commences.
If you are due to get married in the near future, there are a number of things that you must talk about as a couple ahead of your big day. This includes your individual morals and values, your stance on money, your closest friends and family members, your opinion on starting a family, and your idea of a perfect wedding.